OK, so occasionally I get these odd little glimpses of something akin to writer’s block.

I find it disturbing on many levels.

Once upon a time, I had an advanced writing professor in undergraduate school that said these things are complicated, but there is no shame in having it occur ”“ it happens to everyone. Her solution was to eat a lamb chop with a side of beans and a bowl of pudding or perhaps a nice beignet for desert. Eggplant is to be avoided. However, anything is better covered in Sriracha sauce, so it is to be applied liberally (perhaps not on the pudding though).

Actually, that’s not even remotely close to what Dr. Marks suggested. She said the best cure was to ask someone for two words or phrases ”“ any two words or phrases ”“ and to write something that incorporated those words.

So I asked my “friends” on Twitter to send me some words and phrases.

They are a very creative bunch, and they’re pretty funny. Practically circus clowns even. I told them I’d recycle their musings into something about real estate.

If you haven’t already guessed, the words in bold in this post were the suggested words and phrases. Apparently my pals are obsessed with food products. While part of me wants to wreak vengeance upon them (try using “wreak” properly in a sentence without following it with “havoc””¦), in all honesty doing that would be a fallacy. While we may have irreconcilable differences, the simple fact is, these are not flabby sharks, they are human beings, and I like them. Don’t believe that? Check my galvanic skin response and see if I’m lying.

Now before someone gets their panties in a wad, I realize I have yet to really say anything real estate related.

Work with me people.

I could have taken the easy way out and said how a short sale may not be a relevant property or a  sound investment. Ditto for a foreclosure. Or that loss mitigation officers at lending institutions are illogical. Not only can they be illogical, half the time I expect to get an email from them loudly proclaiming “All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction!”.

Want to talk about landscaping? We could discuss the merits of the date palm or watering cycles for citrus trees.  Or the importance of a grand entry, or a big sky view. How about the benefits of being close to a soccer field for little Johnny and Sally? Perhaps we should chat about the need for quality flypaper in the summertime, or properly chlorinating your pool to keep the Kermit the froggy away.

But where’s the beef in that?

Wouldn’t it be better to discuss how no Home Owners Association will let you park a convertible dirigible on the street? Or perhaps we could get really deep and profound and discuss the cognitive dissonance a real estate agent experiences when the Code of Ethics they pledge to uphold conflicts with their innate desire to beat the crap out of a fellow agent that can’t find their ass with two hands and a GPS.

On that note, it’s time to end this nonsense. I’ve got appointments to make. It is, in effect, time to make the donuts. Carpe Diem!

And thanks for this little indulgence. It actually did help clear that weird blockage. And if you didn’t appreciate it, well, about all I can say is bite me. 😉

Hat tip to these Twitter peeps: